Staying Loyal Long After My Mood Has Left Me

I cannot tell you how many times I have said what I was going to do and I did not see it through. Distractions always stopped me. I always went into “someone else” mode and forgot all about the commitments I planned for myself. Later I would look up and wonder what happened. I would immediately blame “life” or someone other than myself.
commitment and loyalty
The truth is I was NOT aware of how to tune into what I really needed. I allowed myself to make external/temporary plans depending on my mood at a particular moment. I was only feeling the “in the moment” emotions.
Currently, I examine the internal reasons why things happen and I seek a remedy for a permanent life changing answer. I am more equipped to stay loyal to the decisions that I choose because I step “outside my box” instead of making a quick fix decision.
I am loyal to the process of “GROWTH”.
Nothing is more satisfying than growing the heck up.

IAm…Hurt, Disappointed, Sad, Exhausted, GROWTH!

It is an empty feeling to realize someone who has occupied your life for the last 15 years does not respect you. To have the feeling of detachment breathe so heavy in the air is hurtful.

IAm…Hurt!

I am saddened with HUGE disappointment to now know that it did not matter how deeply I showed my love and support during dishonorable hurtful lows as well as the multitude of good moments.

IAm…Disappointed!

The words that ALWAYS massaged my heart to keep me giving my love do not work any longer. I have awakened to accept that repeated ACTIONS always produce the same results.

IAm…Sad!

I throw in the towel to defeat. I love hard and I allowed insecurities to lead my heart.

IAm…Exhausted!

My advice is NOT to follow your heart. Solomon stated at Proverbs 28:26 “Whoever trust in his own heart is stupid” and Writer Jeremiah wrote in the 17th chapter, 9th verse “The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate.”

I suggest the use of common sense. Follow your natural intuition. Walk in WISDOM. Job poetically wrote in the 28th verse of the 28th chapter, “The fear of Jehovah – that is Wisdom.”

IAm...IAm…Growth

My Evolution

My evolution.4 meI am learning to keep it moving regardless of folks who make negative comments and innuendos about every move I make.

My intentions are good and I am resolved in the foundation that belongs ONLY to me.

“A joyful heart makes for a cheerful countenance.

But heartache crushes the spirit.”

– Proverbs 5:13

Individuals must cease judgments regarding my choices and accept my passions. Respect my decisions and appreciate my efforts. Be happy for my preferences. Stop crushing my spirit.

rock in my own skin

Monitor your disappointments when I do not jump to your every ‘expectation’. If unity is in our coexistence, appreciate my self-identity.
I am not kidding, there’s NO living in a bubble going on in my life.

I rock in my own skin.2 me

Appreciate, respect, and cheers to my evolution.

Few People See What You Really Are

 

See MeTo some people I am hard, yet to others I am a pushover. To some I appear to be bossy and loud and to others I don’t speak with confidence and I am too quiet. I appear to be angry at times to some and to others I am always happy. I’m told I am the most thoughtful person one will ever meet, although I am also told that I am sometimes rude.

The truth is I AM all the above plus some.

I am hard on myself when I accept uncaring behavior from anyone.

I am a pushover with things that DO NOT matter to me, yet are important to another person.

I am bossy because I am unaware that speaking my truth considers me to be bossy.

I am loud because I am passionate when I talk, laugh, and live MY life.

I am confident in believing that GOOD always wins.

I am quiet when I am lost for an appropriate response to ignorance and ethically deprived individual behaviors.

I am angry at the lack of morals displayed in the world.

I am most happy when I feel respected.

I am thoughtful when I feel validated, loved, appreciated and not lied to with deceitfulness.

I am rude regarding people stupidity.

Outside the Box

Think Outside of the Box

Few people experience my ‘Uniqueness’ because they are fixated on putting me inside only one of these boxes: hard, pushover, bossy, loud, confident, quiet, angry, happy, thoughtful, rude, etc.

Being tactful may not be my strong skill, although having values and integrity is what drives me.

MOST importantly I am who I am and I DO NOT apologies for how Jehovah God made me.

Everyone sees what I appear to be, a few experience what I really am.

No Sibling Speeches

One of the major things that were solidified during my 50th Celebration party is that I feel more about my siblings than they actually feel for me. I remember my awkwardness during the open forum speech part of my event. How none of my siblings spoke. I was very uncomfortable.

I listened to friends speak of my loyalty, my friendships, my character and not one of my siblings spoke any words. I left with the feeling that I must have never left a positive spot in their hearts for them to speak of and their presence at my party was out of loyalty. I did not expect a speech from one of my sisters because that is not her way. She was instrumental in making my 50th celebration happen and I am appreciative of her help.  Yet I did not expect zero support from my other siblings who have a reputation of speaking their minds.

Important lessons are realized as one age. I now realize that no matter how many excuses used for my siblings not speaking at my party, they are just that ‘excuses’. Not only did they not share any of our special moments during speech time, they did not sign my Signature Poster to leave me any lasting sibling’s memories.

I now understand how my not speaking at my brother’s retirement party years ago could have made him feel. I feel terrible.

I am disappointed in my sibling’s lack of speech support, and at the same time I choose to ‘keepitmoving’ and in the future not to make my siblings feel the same way.